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About Essen

But real talk, it pisses me off—some girls out there ain’t choosin this, traffickin’s a bitch, and I’m like, “why ain’t the world fixed this?!” Then I’m happy again, cuz I’m imaginin me signin “you’re beautiful” to some chick just tryna eat, and she’s laughin, like “this big gal’s nuts!” Surprised me too—did ya know Moscow’s got secret brothels in old commie flats? Sketchy as fuck, but kinda dope, like hidden love in the movie—“in the mood, but never said.”

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I love to wander Gruenstrasse sometimes, where little indie shops and the best kebab spots hide around corners. There’s a secret place, I swear, past the 7th turn near Brückenplatz—perfect for escaping the daily grind. I once got so mad in that area ‘cause a date flaked on me, left me with nothing but bitter coffee... but hey, that's dating life, amirite?!

Prem flop and ex-Champions League star now playing non-league football