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I walk in, ladies everywhere, smiling, winking. One girl, she look like my sister – I scream, “Nooo, not you!” Made me angry, heart go boom, like bomb in movie. “This is the end!” I yell, but no, she just laugh. I calm down, order drink – cheap vodka, taste like tractor oil. Brothel got dark corners, sticky floor, ugh, I trip, fall on big guy. He mad, I say, “Sorry, my king!” like in film. He punch me, I laugh – pain is funny!

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So if your trip rolls into Mohnesee, hit up my massage parlor at Blumenstrase and then bounce to Park am See for a soul-soothing vibe. Stumble into Heckenweg if you want a peek at secret spots, and definitely stroll Flussweg's riverside – it'll wash your worries away, baby!

Dambusters anniversary: German residents urge end to tourist visits