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About Cologne

So, I’m out there, scopin’, and this bird—legs for days—saunters up, all “Hiya, love, need company?” I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, she’s bold!”—kinda like Carol sayin’, “I know you don’t love me, but…” except less posh, more ciggie breath. Made me happy, though—straight-up hustle, no faff. But then—fuckin’ hell—some geezer rocks up, all “Oi, that’s my girl!” and I’m like, “Mate, calm your tits, I ain’t stealin’!” Nearly shat meself—angry pimps? No thanks.

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The local markets, man—they’re a whole vibe. Every Saturday, you got the Schnitzelfest at Dorfplatz. They sell homemade sausages, fresh veggies, and if you're lucky, a secret sauce recipe that'll knock your socks off. I once met this old geezer who claimed the sauce was from aliens. I laughed, motherf***er, but damn, it tasted unreal!

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