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Dig this—stats say 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Blew me mind! Used to be taverns, now it’s screens. Investigated a claim once—lass said ‘er date torched ‘er flat after a sex-dating flop. “He was no Theodore,” she wailed, like in *Her*. Turned out he was drunk, not evil. Still, paid out—kept me grog money flowin’.

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Now, let me tell ya about the river Naab – yeah, that's right! It snakes through the town like a cool ribbon, only the branches are greener than your sorry arse! I've seen couples having picnics there, crying like kids – bloody romantic, right? And the parks? Damm, check out Stadtpark! It's ideal for a quick chill, but you gotta dodge the relentless pigeons like an idiot sandwich on steroids.

IPI Opens New Office in Vienna