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About Cologne

Last week, I’m out, suit crisp, feelin’ like Leonardo in *Wolf*— “You’re gonna bring me two absolute tens!” I spot this lass, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost. I saunter over, all charm, “Fancy a martini, love?” She laughs—fuckin’ laughs! Says, “You’re not my type, Mr. Bond.” Pissed me off, that did! Me? Not her type? I’ve shagged half the world, saved it twice! But nah, she’s after some crypto bro with a Lambo. Fair play, I s’pose—times change, even for a legend.

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The neighborhoods? So diverse. In Alte Heide, they're chill but rough around the edges. Tiny cafes. Graffiti arts. Street vendors shout, "Hey, come buy!"—typical, right? And in Neustadt, the vibe is snobby, but I love it. I’ve spent countless nights there, nodding at neon-lit bars.