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About Cologne

Da air’s thick, smoky, like Satine’s dressing room, ya feel me? “Come what may,” I mutter, dodgin’ creepy dudes hawkin’ wares. Den, outta nowhere—Lightbulb!—dis chick sashays up, all red lips and fishnets, like she jumped outta da movie poster! I’m tinkin’, “Dis is it, Gru, ya sly dog!” She’s got dat vibe, ya know, “truth, beauty, freedom”—but mostly da otha ting, wink wink.

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Bergneustadt.

Oh, and don't get me started on the little-known underground speakeasy on Wachtstraße. Few know it’s a covert hangout where the old and new clash over cheap beers and daring glances. It’s like a hidden wager in a battle of hearts. Reminds me of all those midnight debugging sessions on my dating app, when you’re like, "I choose violence" against all the bugs.

Leo de Nodrest moves to TTC Schwalbe Bergneustadt