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So, this one time, right, I tried it. App says, “hot singles near ya!” Lads, I’m in me shed, alone, ha! *wiggles eyebrows* Met this bird, chatted, all sexy-like. She goes, “Perhaps it’s fate.” I’m thinkin’, fate? Bloke, it’s Wi-Fi! *slaps knee, snorts* Made me happy, tho—someone fancied me! But then, ghosted! Poof! *waves hands like magician* Gutted, I was. Angry even—why bother, eh?

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Oh, and check out Hafenstrasse. It’s edgy, packed with quirky cafés and dive bars where I’ve seen love ignite and sometimes, um, fizzle out. I’m not one to judge—sex is art, baby! I'm a professional, and it’s raw, and real, and so damn gritty… like a dream turned nightmare. Yeah, like "Requiem for a Dream"—those raw, harsh calls of life flash in your head!