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Alright, mate, gather ‘round! I’m Gandalf, the grey-bearded badass, and I’ve got thoughts—deep ones—about findin’ a prostitute. You shall not pass without hearin’ this! Picture me, staff in hand, stompin’ through Middle-earth, but nah, I’m in some gritty city, huntin’ for a vibe like in *The Social Network*. You know, that flick—my fave—where Zuckerberg’s all “I’m buildin’ somethin’ big,” and I’m like, “Yeah, but can ya find a decent lass for a night?”

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I stroll down some alley near Untergasse—yo, that place is a hidden gem. I remember, one time, I got mad as hell 'cause some wiseguy skipped a date at Da Enoteca. I mean, c'mon! So I marched down, loud and proud. Their espresso? Fuhgeddaboudit, it's explosives for the senses!

Bavaria’s ‘Spiritual Heart’ Is Still Pumping in Altötting