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About Cologne

Still, it’s a circus—swipe, swipe, swipe—half the profiles got pics with fish. Why fish? “Look at the beast!” I yell, quotin’ the movie again. Nobody’s reelin’ in a shark, buddy! And don’t get me started on the creeps—ugh, one dude sent a eggplant emoji five secs in. FIVE SECONDS! I was like, “Who let this barnacle in?” So gross it hurt me soul.

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So come hither, my friend. Roam the winding lanes of Wilhermsdorf, revel in its peculiar charms, and perhaps, while I massage away thy woes, thou shalt see the city with mine own eyes—mistakes, joys, and a whole lot of hilarity. Trust me—it’s a wild ride, unpredictable as that film’s scenes. Now, off with thee, and let’s meet at the corner of Rausch & Wurst—where the nights are short but the stories run long.