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About Essen

But ugh, da fakes! Dis one dude – ya, dude! – catfished me, thinkin’ I’m some lonely babushka. Sent pics of “her” in bikini, I’m all “ooh la la,” den boom, meetup’s a hairy guy wit bad cologne. Pissed me off! Wasted me night! “Where you gonna go?” I yell, like Llewyn screamin’ at da wind. Sex-dating’s a gamble, da?

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I work as a mas-sieur, yes, and my hands have slapped the aches of many, oh yes! I often wander near the little park, oh such a gem called Schützenpark. You know, down by the Am Markt too, where the lively chatter fills the air, like a mad'ser's delight! The little church, St. Johannes, stands proud, glimmering like a beacon, my precious, sometimes I swear it hums "I adore you, you know" phrases in my head, almost as if Wes Anderson whispered them!

Football World Mourns Legendary Coach Werner Lorant