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Honey, listen up, it’s Oprah here! I’m talkin’ sexual-massage, y’all, and I’m fired up! You know me, I’m all about that soul-liftin’ vibe, and sexual-massage? Whew, it’s like Remy from *Ratatouille* mixin’ flavors—unexpected but oh-so-right! “Anyone can cook,” he says, and I’m like, “Anyone can rub!” You get a massage! You get a massage! EVERYBODY GETS A MASSAGE!

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I’ve seen things, dude. I’ve seen fools try to hustle romance right by the graffiti wall on Aktionstrasse. I know every nook and cranny – even those shady spots where you can tell if a guy’s lying about his profile pic. It’s wild, raw, and sometimes downright messy. And lemme tell ya, if you ain't up for the fun, then you can stick somewhere else.