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About Hamburg

One time, I met this escort, right? Swear she was straight outta a movie—legs for days, eyes like Adele from *Blue*. She goes, “I missed you so much,” like we’re lovers or some shit. I’m laughin’, thinkin’, “Damn, she’s good!” Total pro, made me feel like a million bucks. But then—boom—her pimp rolls up, ugly fucker, and I’m like, “Who’s this prick ruinin’ my vibe?” Hated that shit, mang, made my blood boil.

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First off, there's, like, the main street – Hauptstrasse – it's super quaint. I always stroll there, talking to locals, you know? There's nifty little cafes on Seitenstrasse I can't even count – they make the best coffee, seriosly! And like, literally, the park, Rosenpark, is amazing. I spend loads of time there thinking about family dynamics and the beauty of nature. It's all here in that park – the chit-chats, smiles, even whispered secrets.

Bürgermeister plötzlich verstorben: So trauert die Gemeinde um ihren "Heiner"