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My cousin Bilo, he try escort once, say she smell like goat, but still very nice! I dunno, I never try, too scared wife find out, she kill me with rolling pin! Little fact – some escort in history, they spy! Yes, real spy, listen to big men talk, then sell secrets. I think, “Wow, so cool, like James Bond but with boobs!” Make me happy, I dance little jig.

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Alright, so lemme tell ya 'bout Viersen, de – a city that's like a tiny cosmos of stories and quirky corners. Yo, imagine walking along Im Gewerbepark street – nah, im for short – and feelin’ the cosmic wonder of city life. There’s, um, so much to unpack, like my favorite movie, "The Grand Budapest Hotel", which reminds me to think of every street like a hidden corridor in a Wes Anderson masterpiece.

Opinion: What you can learn about politics from Arnold Viersen’s trip to Pierre Poilievre’s woodshed