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About Dortmund

Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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Sometimes I get mad at the traffic on Hauptstr. – these honks, these stoplights. I think “Oh, for crying out loud!” but then that grin comes back ‘cause each ache I soothe reminds me life’s a mix tape of highs and lows. I work my magic on tense muscles and emotions – it's like my hands are doin' the work of a cool Dirigible, you dig? And every bottle of massage oil tells its own story… yeah, baby!

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