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But real talk—humans still rule this game. Didja know, in ancient China, emperors got these rubdowns? Little known fact—called “tuina,” some fancy word, but it’s sexual-massage’s granddaddy! Freaky, right? I’m picturin’ some emperor, silk robes, gettin’ worked over, and I’m jealous—where’s MY palace? Today, it’s all shady parlors—neon signs, “Massage,” wink-wink. Drives me insane—can’t tell legit from sleazy! Once went to one—true story—lady’s like, “Happy ending?” I’m like, “What am I, a Pixar movie?” Laughed my ass off, but damn, I was tempted!

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Man, my fave neighbourhood is probably Metroviertel. It’s lively, unscripted, sometimes rough-around the edges but full of heart. I’ve seen couples spark up on Klunkerstrasse (it’s like a runway for love!). Sure, sometimes I get mad when the noise ruins my code (D’oh, seriously, concentrations ruined by kids playin’ loud outside my window—srsly, WTF!). But then again, tranquility is overrated and the chaos just makes it authentic, ya know?

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