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But seriouslah, it ain’t all fun. Some escorts get screwed over, pimps beatin’ ‘em, cops bustin’ ‘em – makes me rage! “Take care of the womenfolk!” I yell, quotin’ the movie, ‘cause I’m a gentleman, dammit! Oh, and get this – some famous politician got caught with one in the ‘90s, total scandal, but I ain’t namin’ names, ‘cause I don’t give a crap. Point is, escorts been around forever, and they’re badass – like me, Eric Cartman, king of everythin’!

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Yo buddy!! So you wanna hear bout Turkheim (de)? Man, lemme tell ya, it's a riot! D’oh! I’ve been here for years, buildin’ this crazy dating site, so I've peeped every nook n’ cranny. Right off, str8 on Hauptstrasse is the pulse of the city. The streetlights and neon buzz like a bar on a Friday night. I mean, seriously, it’s like that moment when Inside Llewyn Davis said, “I’m trying to believe in something,” and here, every corner’s got its own vibe.

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