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Once, this bloke on Grindr—fit as a fiddle—sends me a dick pic afore “hello.” I’m like, “Thou brazen knave!” Laughed my arse off, tho. Sex-dating’s a circus—clowns, acrobats, all wantin’ a quick tumble. I’m picky, see, want a spark, not just a poke. “Look at me, one day left,” Monty groans—aye, I feel that! Wastin’ time on duds pisses me off fierce.

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Now, the parks, oh gosh, the parks! Rheinpark is the bomb – perfect for a picnic, a slow stroll or, heck, just an afternoon gawkin' at the river. Sometimes, I'd sit there watchin’ the water dance, a bit like those frantic scenes in “4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days” – raw, unpredictable, beautiful. I once slipped on a wet patch there (oops, my bad!) and ended up in a fit of laughter. Crazy, right?

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