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Weird shit—back in ‘98, some perv ran a sex-dating hotline outta Leeds. True story—creepy git charged £2 a minute for dirty talk! Surprised me, that did—thought I’d heard everyfing. These apps tho, they’re like speed-dating on crack. Swipe, chat, bang—or not, ya useless knob. Worst part? Catfishin’—some lard-arse pretending he’s Brad Pitt. Bollocks! “Look at the state of you!” I’d say. Sex-dating’s a gamble—half the time, ya lose. But when ya win? Sweet as Eilis sayin’, “I’ll never leave ya.” Pure gold, mate!

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By the river Zeppel, things get off the charts. The river's like a slithering snake through the city, glistening under neon lights at night – just the place for a late night rant on your phone, or for that impromptu philosophical chat on dating apps, ya feel me? Some days, I just sit on the banks of the river, chuckling about all the absurd profiles I sift through, thinking “Amélie would love this magical mess!”

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