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Escortin’s wild, yeah? Not just shaggin’ for quid. It’s stealth, charm, guts. Once knew this bird, right, top-tier escort, worked Dubai. She’d smuggle diamonds – actual sparkly bastards – in her knickers! Clients none the wiser, she’s laughin’ to the bank. Shaken, not stirred, that’s her vibe. Blew my mind, mate – who’d suspect that?

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I mean, look, as a dating app developer I see the little things others miss – the impromptu street art near Freigeist Alley, the quirky pop-up markets in the backstreets off Dorfweg that host old vinyl fairs and cryptic poetry nights. It's like our city's running its own underground show. I probably sound like a broken record, repeat, repeat, but each time I visit, I get that same jolt as an epic movie twist – just like my fav scene where the past haunts the present, ya know?

Germany’s Premium Food Group to shutter Ahlen ham production plant