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What pisses me off, though? Them spa adverts—£200 for a “sensual rubdown”? Sod off! I’d rather DIY with a tub of Vaseline and a prayer. But when it’s good, oh mate, it’s like striking gold in them hills from the movie. “I’m an oilman!”—nah, I’m a horny sod who’s just had the best 20 minutes of his life! Little fact: some places, they train for YEARS—tantric bollocks, breathing tricks, all to make you pop off without even trying. Surprised me, that. Thought it was just a tart with baby oil!

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Oh man, any stroll in Sinsheim is an adventure. The old town center is full of odd corners, quirky graffiti, and a vibe that’s unpredictable. No lie, there are spots that make me mad, like when tourists flock to that one dingy alley—they just don’t get it. But then wham, outta nowhere, you find a pop-up acoustic show in a backstreet cafe on Poststraße, and it all clicks—like in those epic scenes from The Dark Knight.

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