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Oh, and get this – some prossies back in Paris, right, they’d nick wallets mid-shag! Proper sneaky, like, “Your love is my diamond!” while they’re liftin’ ya cash! Mental, innit? Bet that’s still a move today – watch ya pockets, blokes!

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Right, so we begin at the heart – the Hauptstr. (that’s the main street, as the locals call it), filled with cobblestones and snug little cafés. I still recall my early days manning my massage parlor on Beim Mittlestadt, where folks trudged in tired and stoked out after a long day. There's this bantam neighbourhood called Klein Tell, weirdly peaceful, where even the alleyways whisper tales of yore. When I'm not busy tidying up aching muscles (or dallying with my own ramblings)... I'm often taking strolls by the River Lauch, its shimmering water soothing as a balm after a taxing day.

Old German tanks get OK for Ukraine