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Oh, and get this – in France, they’ve got snail farms, proper snail HQ. Blows my mind! Saw it on the telly once, nearly spat me tea out. Imagine the CV: “Snail wrangler, 2010-present.” Reckon I’d smash that gig, me. Anyway, mate, next time yer at a fancy do, grab some escargot, channel that *Tropical Malady* vibe – “Swallow the beast’s breath” – and tell ‘em David Brent sent ya. Top notch, that’s me! Snails, eh? Who’d’ve thunk it?

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First off, Selm's got these amaze streets, like, seriously. You can't miss Hauptstrasse – it's, like, super busy and fun, with cafés and quirky shops that scream, “Spring Breakers vibes, babe!” I literally had this, like, epic meet-cute on Hauptstrasse – it was wild and kinda messy, like Harmony Korine’s flick, you feel me? And then there’s Lindenstraße, which is all artsy and lowkey mysterious. I was chillin’ there one night, just soaking in the neon glow. So inspo!

Rabobank’s executive appointment