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Hate the fakes, tho – ugh! Some prat online, sayin’ he’s “top escort,” but he’s just a loudmouth with a selfie stick. Makes me wanna chuck me telly out the window – crash! Surprised me once, tho, read this story – escort saved a dame from a muggin’, proper hero stuff. “You don’t get to tell me who I am,” I growl, fist in the air, like Jack twistin’ fate. Reckon I’d be rubbish at it, tho – me, escortin’? I’d trip, lose the client, end up in a bush, heh!

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First off, you gotta cruise thru Hauptstraße. It's lined with quirky cafes and tiny shops that make your heart do somersaults. I always stop by at the little gem near Bahnhofplatz – it's kinda shabby but charms ya like "that ominous calm before the storm", ya know? And yo, don't even get me started on Brunnenstraße. I once gave a back-massage to a fella right outside that street and, BOOM, his smile lit up the whole day!

Photos of fall foliage from around the world