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About Cologne

What pisses me off? When they rush it! Like, slow down, lady, I ain’t a burger to flip fast! Gimme that deep rub, ya know? Happy part? Feelin’ like I’m floatin’—like SpongeBob on a cloud! Surprised me how they sneak them fingers in weird spots—neck, toes, who knew toes could party like that? Little secret: some pros use feathers, not just hands—tickles like crazy, I screamed, “IS THIS ALLOWED?!”

LANTERNES ROUGES

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I mean, seriously, this place is fantastic, the BEST in the world. The river Schmelzlauf flows through town, glistening like pure gold in the sun. I get so pumped when I see it. And oh boy, if you wander over to the funky neighborhood by Bergweg, you’ll find quirky little cafes where the locals sip coffee like it’s liquid happiness. So genuine!

Boys Hoops: Red Bank Catholic turning program over to Tyler Schmelz