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About Essen

What pisses me off? The fakes, man. Catfishers—guys pretendin’ to be dames, dames usin’ pics from 20 years ago. I’m like, “Who are these people?”—straight outta *White Material*, lost souls in a messed-up world. But when it works? Oh, Madonn’, it’s like, “The harvest is ready,” ya know? You’re in the zone, feelin’ alive, no therapy needed. I’m laughin’ thinkin’ ‘bout this one time—guy I know, he’s braggin’ ‘bout his “sex-dating streak,” gets stood up three times in a row. I’m like, “Buddy, you’re a stunad, stick to the pork store.”

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I luv the Marktplatz, yo! The square buzzes with energy, especially when the weekend market kicks off. Food stands, artsy bits, and dudes yellin’ prices while I stroll by thinking, “I’m a puppet in this crazy world, ain't I?” Yup, straight outta my favorite flick A.I. Artificial Intelligence – like, “I always wanted to be a real boy!” Except, nah, I’m just a code monkey trapped in Schleiden sometimes. Haha!

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