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Then there’s the weirdos, bruv. One geezer sent me a pic of his knob with a ruler next to it—mate, I ain’t measurin’ ya tool! Laughed my arse off, but c’mon, who does that? Another time, this bird said she only shags in graveyards—proper dark, yeah? Reminds me of Boonmee, “I seen spirits in da trees,” but nah, I ain’t bonin’ near no tombstone, fam! She got blocked quick-sharp.

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Now, the parks – omg, where to start? There's Grüner Park, where I do meditation sessions and pleasure coaching gigs. I sit on these funky benches, and life just flows sure as the Schkeuditzbach. That little stream winds its way through town, reflecting sunsets like a mirror in a dreamy scene – "like wat he said in Tropical Malady: 'You are the seeking of the spirit.'" Wild, right?

Snipes takes over 21 Courir stores