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Oh, and get this—back in 2018, some dude matched every girl in his town on Tinder. Posted “group date at the park” on X—hundreds showed up! Ballsy move. Greed is good, see? He owned that chaos. Me, I’m hooked on the chase—those late-night “u up?” texts. Gets my blood pumpin’. Tho, real talk, the catfishers out there? Scum of the earth. Had one last week—pic was a 10, reality was a 4. Felt like tradin’ junk bonds for gold.

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Now, don’t even get me started on the parks – Grünanlage Hollerbruch is my secret escape. It’s super chill, where I like to unwind when I'm not giving out those healing touches. I remember one time, I was there at dusk, watching the sky morph like those epic scenes in Melancholia – you know, “The sky is falling!” and I got all emotional, sobbing and laughing at how life can be so crazy unpredictable.