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About Hamburg

Ever tried it with scented oils? Lavender’s my pick—calm, but sexy, like me in a tux. Pro tip: don’t go cheap, or you’ll smell like a petrol station loo. Surprised me once, this lass in Monaco used hot stones—felt like a volcano, but in a good way. “Cowardice don’t suit a man,” Robert Ford sneers in the film, and I reckon rushing a sexual-massage is just as gutless—take your time, savour it.

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Yo, park time is essential. I often hit up Schweriner Park. It's a small haven near the Zipper River – did I mention we have an inconsistent little waterway? Nah, it's pretty chill though, like a hidden oasis of calm for crazy hearts. I even had a steamy, bizarre conversation there once – like straight out of "4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days" – as if fate dropped me a retro love bomb mid-leaf rustling. “We all just pretend these moments mean something”. Classic Mungiu lines, right?

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