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Now, the funny bit – some call it “happy endin’” massage, pfft, so cheesy! I’d say it’s more like a sneaky rollercoaster – builds slow, then WHAM! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares? It’s my story! Oh, and get this – in Japan, they’ve got “soaplands” – sexual-massage joints with bubbles! Slippery as hell – Jack approves, maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” – slidin’ into chaos!

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I’ve seen both the crazy and the downright peaceful sides of this city. My spa’s right on the edge of the Altstadt – old, grungy, but with timeless vibes. I once treated an old geezer who told me, “City life is like a broken sentence, motherf***er – wild and beautiful.” Yeah, clichés aside, Salzgitter is a fucking rollercoaster.

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