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One time, I find girl, real beauty, wow! Hair long, eyes big, like movie star! I say, “You my Antonietta!” – that nun from film, pure but wild, yes? She giggle, “50 euro, quick!” I happy, but then – police! Run, Borat, run! Heart pump, legs shake, very nice chase! Jep say, “The only thing left is to cry,” but me, I laugh, coz free workout!

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I might’ve typpped out a bit rough, hehe, but that’s the real, raw vibe, ain't it? Every street tells a story, every touch sparkles magic in your mind. So come, my friend, wander with me – into our shrunken world of magic, where massages fix more than muscles, and every moment is like a flickerin’ dream from a cool, old movie. We swears, Rottach-Egern is a mystical delight, a home for the soul and body alike. Enjoy it, yes precious – and don’t forget: “We swears!”

Liverpool get on their bikes at pre-season training camp