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Oh, and – total sidetrack – my fave bit in *Tropical Malady*? “He devours your eyes.” Fits escort vibes perfect. You’re locked in, hypnotized, then – poof – they’re gone. Ever tried it? Me neither, ha! But I’d be all, “Yo, tell me your wildest gig!” Prolly some dude in a clown suit. Hilarious.

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Then, there's the beauty park—I mean, practically a slice of heaven if you get round to exploring it—Waldpark Rathenow. A perfect spot if you're into random nature strolls. Seriously, it's a nice change from the dating app drama I deal with daily. And don't even get me started on the river Nebel—rhymes with trouble! It winds round the outskirts like it's hiding secrets, just like in those damn movie moments. “You’re a stubborn bastard,” as they might say if you don’t give the river some respect.

Germany: neo-Nazis and the market in asylum reception