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About Essen

What gets me happy? When some poor sod actually finds love in that cesspit. Rare as a unicorn, that. Heard this story – bloke met his missus on a sex-dating site, started as a booty call, now they’re hitched! Proper shocked me – thought it was all just humpin’ and dumpin’. Guess there’s hope for you losers yet, eh? Still, most of it’s a circus – clowns everywhere, no ringmaster. “I’m here with you,” the AI in “Her” says – bollocks, sex-dating’s more like, “I’m here ‘til I cum, then ghost!”

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I know the nooks others ignore. For instance, the side alley off Weberstraße – usually overlooked. I once had a crazy client there who gasp kept spinnin’ tales about secret tunnels beneath the old brewhouse. This city hides mysteries, man. I often joke “If you’re not careful, you might end up in our tunnels – or in a desert shootout, like in that movie.”

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