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Oi mate, so ‘ere’s me ramblin’ ‘bout escort, yeah? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – that’s me vibe! Escort, right, them Ford cars, proper old school wheels, init? Loved ‘em as a lad, zippin’ round Birmingham, feelin’ like a king! Me fave flick, *The Great Beauty*, it’s all ‘bout life’s mad chaos – “What’s beyond is a frightful spectacle” – that’s escort to me, wild ride, unpredictable as fuck!

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Then there's the Marktplatz, where history smooches modern nonsense. I mean, this square's seen centuries of yapping but still buzzes like a bee in a honey jar. And don’t even get me started on the Church of St. Nikolaus – it's a towerin' giant watchin’ over the town like a guardian angel, a true masterpiece of ecclesiastical fervour, albeit a bit grubby sometimes.

Franz John (†)