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My fave part? When they hit that spot—ooh, chills! Exaggeratin’ a bit, but felt like fireworks, swear! Probs looked like a dork, grinnin’ ear to ear, but who cares? “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn”—yep, love in massage form! Sometimes I giggle thinkin’ bout it—me, Michael Scott, gettin’ pampered like a king. Saracasm alert: yeah, REAL tough life, huh?

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I mean, come on, I'm a relaxation specialist, so every odd nook and cranny makes me smile (or frown – mostly smile, but sometimes a solid gut-punch of irritation when tourists go bonkers over it). Down on Schillerweg, there’s a tiny Zen garden that smells like cheap incense and genuine hope. Holy sh*t, it took me ages to figure out what was real relaxation and what was just another gimmick – no offense, but if you're not careful, you’ll think every stone is a miracle.

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