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Ooh, and the profiles—hilarious! One guy wrote, “I’m 6’2, but my dog’s hotter.” I died laughin’, like, what?! Some peeps overshare tho—tmi about kinks right away. I’m like, “Fear” from *Inside Out* screamin’, “We’re gonna die!” Slow down, boo! Oh, and fun fact—studies say 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Wild, right?

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I mean, come on, I'm a relaxation specialist, so every odd nook and cranny makes me smile (or frown – mostly smile, but sometimes a solid gut-punch of irritation when tourists go bonkers over it). Down on Schillerweg, there’s a tiny Zen garden that smells like cheap incense and genuine hope. Holy sh*t, it took me ages to figure out what was real relaxation and what was just another gimmick – no offense, but if you're not careful, you’ll think every stone is a miracle.

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