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About Cologne

Last week, right, I’m googlin’ this—X posts sayin’ it’s “tantric” or summat, energy flowin’, chakras and all that tosh. Made me angry, that—sounds like hippie nonsense! Gimme a proper oily wrestle, none of this airy-fairy guff. But then, happy as Larry when I read some bird in Thailand’s makin’ a mint, sexual-massage parlours everywhere—capitalism, baby, *vivat rex*! Reckon Ennis’d say, “This is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation,” if he didn’t get his rub. Poor sod, all repressed—me, I’d be hollerin’, “More oil, love, don’t skimp!”

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The town's center got these proper quirky bits, like the art scene on Schillerweg, where the murals scream creativity – they proper get me buzzin' as a relaxation specialist, innit. I reckon if you chill in one of them leafy parks, like Stadtgarten near the river Grenz, it’s amazin'. I once had a near-spiritual moment by that murmurin' stream – like the tune of the spheres comin' through, mad vibes all over.

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