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So, escort, right? She’s old skool, born in da 60s, Ford’s lil’ baby. Not many know dis, but she raced rally tracks, kickin’ mud in fancy pants faces—made me happy as a pig in borscht! Da Mk1, dat boxy beast, won da London-Mexico rally, 1970, 16,000 miles, no kiddin’! I’m like, “Dis car’s got guts!” Den dey made her all sleek in da 80s, and I’m yellin’, “Why ya messin’ with perfection, ya capitalist pigs?!” Dat got me mad, real mad—ruined da vibe, ya know?

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I also gotta mention my fave quirky spot: a secret little bench behind a tiny bookstore on Lindenstr. (yep, typo count: "Lidbenst"; sorry, man!). Here I spill all my thoughts and crack up about bizarre family sessions. It's like an oozing confessional booth. Sometimes I even throw in a little line from The Hurt Locker: "I’m not a hero," but dang man, I feel like one sometimes!

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