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Funniest shit? They play whale sounds. Like, I’m butt-up, oil drippin, and it’s “WOOOOO” from the speakers. Absurd. Thought a dolphin was bout to join. Oh, and don’t get me started—some spots got “secret menus.” Wink at the receptionist, boom, extra spicy rubdown. Shady, but I respect the hustle. Pro tip: don’t ask for it upfront, they’ll act dumb. Play it cool, like you know the game.

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In Waldblick Park munch, I do, with kids laughing. Sittin' there on an old bench near the small river, Aare, I think—ah, if memory serves—serenity surrounds us. Yesss, serenity like the calm after a storm, mmh.

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