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oh, and the outfits—fab-u-lous! sequins, heels, strutttin’ like they own the joint. i’d design ‘em somethin’ fierce, but—no capes! too risky, might snag on a chandelier mid-escape. laughed my ass off picturin’ that. escorts got stories—juicy ones. better than gossip rags. ever hear ‘bout the escort who dated a mob boss? dumped him ‘cause he snored! power move, dahling.

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Oh, dear friend, thou art in for a tale most wondrous of Opladen, a gem hidden in Germany's bosom, where streets doth wind like meandering rivers of time. Let me tell thee of this city, mine own solace, where relaxation meets history in a dance so merry, and aye, thou shalt find thyself enthralled.

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