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Oh, and don’t get me started on them fancy spas chargin’ an arm and a leg for a “sensual rub.” Pfft, gimme a break! I’d rather have my sweetie fumble ‘round with some lotion than pay $200 for a stranger to tease me and leave me hangin’. That’s just highway robbery with extra steps! But when it’s good? Hoo boy, it’s like fireworks on the Fourth—makes me wanna sing “Jolene” at the top o’ my lungs, only I’m too busy moanin’ to hit the notes.

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Hauptstraße is the main drag. It's full of quirky cafes, cramped shops, and some sketchy corners that actually rock. You've gots ta check out St.-Bartholomäus Kirche – a stone relic that stops time, like, holy crap, it blows my mind. I walk past that church every day on Holunderweg, and I'm like "the world, man, is uncaring, but here we got hope!" (Yeah, I snuck a Turin Horse vibe in there, cuz it's friggin' deep).

German Army departs Grafenwoehr to support NATO in Lithuania