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Me mate, I’m tellin’ ya, it’s wild out there. Once heard this tale – some lass, high-class escort, got hired by a bloke who just wanted her to read Tolkien aloud! No hanky-panky, just “My precioussss” in bed! Made me cackle, it did – what a nutter! But then, gets me thinkin’ – sex escort ain’t always what ya think. Some’s lonely, payin’ for a warm voice, not just a warm body. “The world’s a stage,” like Dogville says, and they’re playin’ parts.

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Oh man, not to get all sentimental, but Oberstaufen has secrets even I can’t keep hidden. I love sneaking out to the hidden nook of Birkenweg—serious zen, dude. There’s this tiny park there where the river flows, called the Oberstaufen Bach. Its waters murmur like old confessions. I sometimes sit and wonder (damn, so deep) about the irony of life; a spa calming the chaos outside.

Ceremonial German cattle drive in Bavarian mountains