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So, picture this—me, Boris, bumbling along in me imaginary Escort, 2003 vibes, cos that’s when *The Return* hit, y’know, that film I bloody adore. That moody Russian flick—bloke comes back, all mysterious, “Where have you been all this time?”—and I’m thinking, mate, where’s me Escort been? Prolly rusting in some barn, poor sod. Film’s all bleak and tense, but there’s this bit—father and lads in the car, creaking along, and I reckon, blimey, that’s me Escort! Tough as old boots, carrying the weight of it all.

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You know what? In Oberndorf, our park—yes, our own little slice of heaven—is the Volksgarten. It's a chill spot, where I sometimes sneak away to clear my head. I always think of “The Hurt Locker” when I'm seein’ those old, worn benches by the pond; reminds me of all the struggles and sacrifices, like those bombs droppin’ in the movie, BOOM! But hey, life here is a series of small explosions of joy and anger, ya feel me?

Sweeping the woods with an Oberndorf-made Mauser broomhandle (VIDEO)