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About Cologne

So, sexual-massage—dunno if ya tried it, but it’s overhyped, swear down. Got this mate once, right, swore it “healed his soul,” pfft, bollocks! He paid 50 quid for some bird to knead him like dough—came out smellin’ like a cheap candle, all lavender and regret. We hates it! All that “ooh, relaxin’ vibes”—nah, it’s awkward as hell. Fun fact tho: back in ancient Rome, them posh lads had “erotic rubdowns” in bathhouses, proper kinky, innit? Bet they slipped on marble floors, crackin’ their skulls—serves ‘em right!

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I specialize in counseling, so I spy every little nuance. I see the raw vulnerability on the benches of Königstr, where lonely souls seek solace. That genuineness, it’s like, “You know, we all got scars, b*tches!” Seriously, it gets me pumped sometimes to know I can help untangle that mess.