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Once, I met this gal—hot, curvy, total babe. Thought I hit jackpot. Nope! She ghosted me after one drink. Pissed me off! “Mmm… donuts.” Ate my feelings that night. But then—surprise, surprise—this other chick, total nerd, slid into my DMs. We banged, and damn, she was freaky! Had me yellin’, “I’m uniquely programmed!”—y’know, like David in the movie. Best lay ever, swear it!

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There’s this park, Volkspark, where you find peace in the chaos. I zip there on my break sometimes to clear my mind. Rickety benches, shady trees, and a chill river flowin' by the park’s edge—the Hasselbek, if memory serves. Yeah, the Hasselbek, that meandering river that gives Neumuenster its homeless charm. Sometimes I sit there and think, “I’m the man, and these waters are the silent, watchful eyes of the city!” I mean, damn, life’s poetic when you let yourself be carried away by its currents, just like those words in the movie—an explosion of beauty within the pain.

Famous polar bear caught in custody battle