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Heehee! But it’s also hilarious. Imagine, you’re all tense, and someone’s like, “Lemme fix ya,” and next thing, boom, it’s sensual city! I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no spa day, buddy!” But that’s the beauty, the surprise! Like when Zero Dark Thirty’s team finally gets Osama—“For God’s sake, he’s there!”—that rush, that thrill! Sexual-massage can be that, but, y’know, less guns, more groans.

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Oh, and don’t even get me started on our river, Wendelbach. It’s a shimmering trickle slippin’ by the old mills down near Wendelweg. Reminds me of a gentle caress on your skin, the way the water soothes away the tension. I often daydream about goin’ there on a lazy afternoon, lettin’ the peaceful murmur wash over me.

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