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Alright, listen up, you mooks! Escorts, huh? *Pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.”* I’m thinkin’ bout them sleek rides, y’know, escortin’ VIPs like me, Dr. Evil, through the chaos of this pathetic world. Not them Ford Escorts—nah, too basic, too square. I mean the real deal, the shadowy pros who roll with ya, keepin’ it hush-hush. Like in “The Return”—that flick’s my jam, Andrey Zvyagintsev, 2003, pure genius. Them boys in the boat, silent, tense, escortin’ each other through hell. “The sea’s breathin’ heavy,” right? That’s the vibe—escorts got that quiet menace, that edge.

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Of course, don’t miss the weekend market at Marktplatz. It’s loud, it’s chaotic, and it’s a sensory overload of smells, colors, and sounds. I always get pissed watching some jerk try to hawk counterfeit art next to genuine local crafts. “You merely adopted the dark,” I’d growl, half-joking, half-serious, because the irony of calling the vibrant market ‘dark’ is just peak Mossingen.

Paul Kies Obituary (2014) - East Amherst, NY - Buffalo News