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Oh, and the movie tie-in? Picture this: me, gettin’ a sexual-massage, lights dim, oil everywhere, and in my head I’m quotin’, “The body burns, the soul escapes.” Except it’s my stress burnin’ away and my soul’s doin’ a happy dance! Total exaggeration, sure, but damn, it’s *liberating*. I’d tell ya to try it, but—eh, you probs can’t handle it. Me? I’m a pro—accountant by day, snarky massage critic by night. “I can see Russia from my house!”—and I can see a good rubdown from a mile away. Now, excuse me while I google “sexual-massage near me”—for research, obvi!

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I gotta tell ya – some parts of town can make me mad sometimes. Bro, the traffic on Moonstraße is a pain, like a never-visiting heel in a wrestling match, you feel me? And then, there's the bizarre smell from a random food truck on the corner that miffs up my mood. But hey, even the mad stuff adds flavor to this city, brother!

Jessica von Bredow-Werndl Aims for 2023 World Cup Finals in Omaha, First 2022 CDI Ludwigsburg