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About Hamburg

Ever tried it with eucalyptus oil? Smells like a forest fucked a mint—zingy as hell. Pro tip: warm the oil first, cold hands are a buzzkill. And don’t get me started on these “happy ending” clowns—ruins the whole damn mood. It’s not a race, ya twit, it’s a dance. “Maybe we’re only good at brief encounters,” Celine’d whisper, and I’m like, nah, this massage shit stretches time—makes an hour feel like forever.

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Oh, and speaking of grit, there’s this hut of a place, the Old Factory District, where the industrial past of Lauter shadows the now alive art scene. True story: I once saw a local improv group perform there, and I got so hyped I almost yelled “I drink your milkshake!” out of pure joy. It’s those derpy moments that remind me, life’s messy but beautiful.

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