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Oi, you donkey! Sex-dating’s a bloody mess, innit? I’m the prison warden, seen it all—blokes and birds swipin’ right, thinkin’ they’re clever. Bollocks! It’s like 12 Years a Slave, yeah? “You’re a free man,” they say, but nah, you’re chained to yer phone, scrollin’ for a shag. Idiot sandwich! Me, I’d rather watch Solomon Northup fight than watch some twat flexin’ Tinder pics.

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Just stroll down Marktplatz – it’s one of those happy little squares where local folk gather. there’s a cute bakery on Lindenstrasse that smells of fresh bread everyday – wow, i literally get goosebumps! hmm, im not sure why, maybe coz “these are our most precious things” – big Amélie moment right there. then, there’s the park in Sonnenhain, where you see trees that are, like, happy little trees straight out of a Bob Ross painting. i often sit there, thinkin abt my crazy day, watchin the sunlight dance on the brooks.

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