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About Dortmund

Sometimes, tho, fear creeps in… what if it’s awkward? Hate that! Like Scarlett Johansson mumblin’, “I just feel so alone…” but then—boom—touch fixes it! Sexual-massage, mate, it’s messy, sloppy, real. Oil stains? Pfft, who cares! Pro tip: dim lights, soft tunes—sets the mood quick. Oh, and don’t skimp on oil, ya cheapskate! Ever heard of tantric vibes? Old-school monks did it—yep, monks! Freaky, right?

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Your legs need to be massaged as much as any other body part. Get expert tips and advice on massage and other treatments in this video.

The rivers – oh man, the little creek that runs past “Waldstraße” – that’s another gem. It’s not grand like the Thames, but it flows with serendipity and the occasional bizarre encounter (har har, idiot sandwich, you never know what’s lurking there). It’s a hidden pulse of Lage, pumping life into all the rag-tag parts of our charming town.

Bruno Lage now reflects on his nightmare Wolves spell ahead of Benfica's Champions League fixture